5 things to do with Heero's shorts
by Ivy-hime
Summary: Short and stupid. Shounen-ai hints.


5 things to do with Heero's shorts - By Ivy Prewarnings/notes: Well it's really stupid. I wrote this at 1 in the morning because the thought was nagging my mind and I couldn't sleep unless I wrote it. Shounen-ai hints.  
  
**Okay it seems "shounen-ai hints" isn't clear to everybody, so I'll say it again.. there's shounen-ai, YAOI, boy/boy love action, whatever you want to call it going on! So if you can't look at [this][1] picture without thinking something along the lines of "eww" then GO AWAY! That's right, shoo, scram, scat! Don't waste your time reading this fic. Now if you like shounen-ai, or can at least live with it and can keep your "yaoi is stupid, ur stupid for makin' them gay! my brain is made of cheez. nyah, nyah, nyah." comments to yourself and maybe even put something intellectual, then read on. Otherwise I claim the right to poke you many times with a pitchfork *twirls a red pitchfork with shiny points around*, got that? If I recieve one more comment because you don't like yaoi but read my fic ANYWAYS then there's going to be some trouble going on.**  
  
Take this fic without my permission and you will be hurt, however if you'd like to take it you can [email Ivy][2] and we'll talk.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Gundam Wing and Characters are in no way shape or form mine, except in my lovely dreams.  
  
5 things to do with Heero's shorts written by Ivy  
  
  
"OHAYO!!!", everyone's favorite G-boy with a braid, Duo Maxwell, chirped. "Today is a special day indeed, why you ask? Because today I'm going to show you 5 things to do with Heero's shorts!"   
  
Duo waved a bunch of navy blue spandex shorts in the air.   
  
"Thing to do with Heero's shorts 1: slice a considerably big hole through the crotch of the shorts like so." Duo held up the shorts so the audience could see him through the self made hole. "Then you pull your head through the hole and put your arms through the other two..." Duo put on the the shorts like a shirt, which looked quite idiotic over his priest garb, not to mention he could hardly move his arms and the shorts don't even make it past his chest. "But this isn't exactly the greatest thing to do with them, please note I haven't rated these from top rank down... eheheh."   
  
Duo quickly took off the shorts he was wearing and threw them to the side. He picked up another pair of shorts, which were unaltered, and held them up.   
  
"Thing to do with Heero's shorts 2: this one is easier, just stretch the elastic band," Duo streched the shorts and lifted his arms so the shorts are facing down towards his head, "then snap them around your head like so." Duo was now wearing the shorts which looked like navy blue spandex bunny ears. "Very stylish, if I do say so myself." The legs of the shorts swung back and fourth as Duo waved his head around to emphasize.   
  
Duo took the shorts off his head and threw them on the other to make a pile. He fixed his hair a bit before picking up a bulging navy blue spandex lump.   
  
"Thing to do with Heero's shorts 3: this is complicated compared to the other two." Duo picked up a pair of shorts and a stapler. "If you're talented like that then you can sew the legs shut, otherwise take a stapler and..." Duo smacked the stapler down several times on the ends of the sorts until he felt they were sealed good enough. "Now make sure there is still an opening, I suggest the waistband, then take some kind of stuffing. For those bargain craftspersons, I suggest store-brand cotton balls." Duo held up a box of cotton balls. "Then you just fill shorts up till you can't anymore." Duo dumped as much cotton as he could before it overflowed the top of the shorts. "Then take that stapler again..." Duo did the smacking thing once more until the top was also sealed, with only a bit of cotton sticking out. "And voila! Instant pillow!"   
  
Duo threw the pillow he just made and the example pillow into the pile to the side. He then pulled out a slightly less bulging navy blue spandex lump.   
  
"Thing to do with Heero's shorts 4: Do the same as the pillow, except this time fill it with potpourri." Duo scratched his head and gave a nervous laugh. "Well if you're like me and can't get potpourri then get a bunch of twigs and spray them like crazy with potpourri scented _Glade_ air-freshener."   
  
Duo carelessly threw the potpourri shorts onto the growing pile and picked up two other unaltered shorts and held them up.   
  
"Thing to do with Heero's shorts 5: this one is for those adventurers, or maybe those with an amazingly high sex-drive." Duo brought one of the pairs of shorts and tied his ankles together, then he somehow managed to tie both of his arms together at the wrist. "The only problem is they aren't that secure unless you can tie one hell of a knot."   
  
All of a sudden everyone's favorite G-boy in spandex came out onto stage with Duo. "OHAYO, Hee-chan!!!!" Duo said, turning to the suicidal-Japanese-spandex-wearing-gun-totting-boy. "Baka," Heero said while taking a hold of Duo's braid "I can show you a lot more than 5 things I can do **without** my shorts!" Duo beamed and hopped off the stage, dragging Heero , who still had a death grip on his braid, along with him.   
  
Okay so Duo's show was cancelled after the first episode, but the couple did get numerous offers to shoot porn movies.   
  
  


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Owari  
Like I said, 1 in the morning. I can also blame the Pepsi and banana cream pie.  
~_^ Ivy

   [1]: http://ivy.dreameternal.com/pics/1x2.jpg
   [2]: mailto:sailorsuitedheroine@hotmail.com



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